So I have a ton of pets! I currently have 8 with the plans to get a few more. I finally talked my husband into letting me turn our second bedroom into a room for all of our animals. It’s mostly set up except I haven’t moved my lizard into the room yet and I’m still waiting for my guinea pigs new cage to arrive.

Right now I have my guinea pigs in a play pin with a foam mat underneath with a fleece blanket as a temporary cage. I ordered all the parts for a C&C cage for my piggies, and I’m so excited for it to arrive in the next two weeks. It’s two floors with a total of 10 feet throughout the entire thing! I really hope that they really like it.

I have my bunny in a homemade dog pen cage with foam tile underneath with a fleece blanket. It’s about 16 feet in total, Though I do plan to add the guinea pigs temporary cage to the rabbits cage once their new cage arrives.

I have my birds in the cage I’ve had for them the last two years on top of a dresser that I don’t use anymore. I want to get them a new cage, a bigger one, but I think I’m going to wait a few months before doing so because I haven’t decided what size I want it to be yet. it depends on how much space is left in the pet room after I get everything fully set up and in there.

I have my bearded dragon in a 25 gallon tank until he gets bigger then I’m going to upgrade him to either a 40 gallon breeder or a 75 gallon tank depending on what will fit on the racks I’m getting to put his cage on in the pet room.

I’m getting a 5 shelf racks for my pet room to put my bearded dragon on and to store pet supplies on. After it’s all set up I’m going to buy a plastic storage bin and turn it into a hamster cage and get a Syrian hamster, which I’m really excited to get. I love building cages and I love all my furbabies so much.




Living on my own with my husband has been a lot more busy that I thought it would’ve been. I’m not complaining though I really enjoy it all, I love doing everything with my husband. Things have changed a lot since I’ve last written on here so here’s just a quick update.

My husband and I decided to open our relationship into a polyamorous triad, if we can find a women we both like. We did find someone, a friend of mine from when I was younger; but she’s kind of being indecisive so I’m not sure if that’s ever going to happen.

Another thing is that we now have 8 pets and plan on getting a 9th one in a few weeks. We now have two cats, two guinea pigs, and two birds, a bunny & a bearded dragon; they’re all so sweet and get along real well. I plan on getting a hamster after I finish setting up the pet room & building the cage for it. I’m getting a new couch this weekend and next weekend I plan on getting storage shelves for the pet room to put my lizards cage on along with the hamsters cage. I’m going to be building the cage out of a storage bin, I been watching tons on videos on how to do it and I’m excited to do it.

Also we’ve decided to stop trying to have a baby. There’s a really high chance that if I have a child they’ll have a birth defect that can make their life really hard and I just don’t want to do that to my child if it can be prevented. We might become foster parents later in life & adopt but right now we’re just enjoying being together and having all of our pets. I’m not really sure I want to be a mom anymore, though it’s always been a dream of mine; I just don’t feel like it’s a good decision since I have a lot of health problems and our working schedules would make it hard to care for a child. Maybe later in life we’ll be ready but right now I don’t think it’s a good idea anymore.

Also! My husband might be getting a new job through the state. He had an interview a few days ago and he said it seemed to go well, hopefully he gets a call back. The hours and pay is a lot better than our current job. My husband and I also decided that if be does get this job I can change from full time to part time at my current job!

Also I’m getting really sick of his mother. I haven’t seen her since we moved out but he’s went to see her a few times. Every time he talks to her she keeps asking for us to “help her out” financially, and I’m getting sick of it. She has one of her sons living with her that pays her rent, another one sends her money every month and she has a part time job! She doesn’t need anymore money! She also tried to put a loan she was trying to get out in my husbands name without telling him! I was so pissed off.


An Apology To My Body

To my body,

I’m so sorry for everything I put you through the last 20 years of my life.

I’m sorry that I cut you when I was under stress and having bad anxiety, I’m sorry I starved you and didn’t feed you the nutrients you needed.

I’m sorry for the over sleeping or not sleeping enough.

I’m sorry for all the scars I’ve given you, that will never go away.

I’m sorry for sleeping with all those people, for putting myself in bad situations and getting raped- getting pregnant to young and miscarrying; I realize it wasn’t my fault entirely but I should’ve kept myself safe and not stayed there overnight for a week by myself, it could’ve been avoidable, but I was young and dumb.

I can’t change what I’ve done to you in the past, but I will do better for the future.

I’ll feed you when you’re hungry, I’ll never purposely cut you again.

I’ll only have sex with my husband and take care of you when I become pregnant.

I’ll stop avoiding the doctor when there’s something wrong, and I’ll make sure you’re healthy.


We Moved

We finally moved into our own apartment! No more living with his mother & brother, now we’re on our own! I’ve never been happier; I’m actually comfortable walking around and being in the living room/kitchen. My animals are even happier, both of my birds are singing again, my cat is playing with his toys again this is the best thing ever.

My husband and I even stopped fighting so much, when we lived with his mother we fought at least once a day. We moved in a week ago and only gotten in one argument and I feel like it’s just because we were tired and trying to put together furniture, not a good mix; and we got over the fight really fast.

The apartment is really nice, the only thing I don’t like is that there’s not a lot of storage space in the kitchen. We got a two bedroom apartment so we have a guest room, and possibly it’ll be a room to our future child when & if I get pregnant.

Also since we’ve moved in I had more ideas for the novel I’m writing, I’m finally relaxed enough to start writing again.  I’m also having a house warming party next week and a few of my friends from work are coming along with my family. We invited my mother-in-law but she said she didn’t want to come, and when we moved she didn’t come over so I’m guessing she’s to mad and just not going to visit us. Kind of pisses me off, she’s still acting like I’m wrong for not allowing my husband to give her money every month. But it’s whatever we don’t live with her anymore so we don’t have to deal with her bullshit anymore.

My Novel

I’m on chapter five of my novel and I realized something about the plot and how I’ve been writing it. The way I wrote it, it doesn’t go with how I want the plot and story to go so at work I’ve been thinking how I want to fix it. The only problem on changing how I wrote it I have to delete everything but the chapter I’m currently writing and the prologue. Though I have edit chapter one and add stuff to the prologue, which I’m unhappy about but in the long run it’ll make the novel a lot better.

I’ve decided to get rid of the main characters boyfriend, so the first chapter he’s going to break up with her. I felt like the way I was writing it just sounded like she was recovering because of him and that’s not how I want it o go. I want her to recover for herself, not for anyone else.

Hopefully this doesn’t set me to far back in the writing timeline I have set for myself. If it does though, at least it’ll be a lot better then it is now. I want this to be different from other eating disorder recovery books I’ve read before, for it to be unique and not the same as everything else. I was following everything I’ve read beforehand making it almost identical to the stereotype recovery. This is going to be different, only thing I haven’t decided on yet is if I want it to be a really long book and include things from after her recovery or write a whole separate book of what happens after she recovers.

Is Full Recovery Possible

I’ve had my anorexia since either the very end of elementary school or the very beginning of middle school, honestly I can’t remember exactly when I can’t remember much from that time of my life. It’s been almost 3 years since I was in the hospital and been in recovery. Some days I do really well and other days I have a really hard time.

I’ve been sick most of my life and I have no idea who I am without my eating disorder. I want to be without it, I try my hardest to be without but it’s just so hard. I want to be better, I wan to be fully recovered…. It’s just so hard to be fully recovered I can’t stop the thoughts and sometimes I do the disordered behavior without realizing it. I wish it was as easy as I thought it would be going into recovery, god how I wish it was that easy.

I see people who are recovered talk about being fully recovered and I just wish… I wish that I knew there secret to being fully recovered or what their idea of fully recovered is. I feel like it’s just not possible to be fully recovered, at least not to my standard…


Mother in Law lost her mind

So Saturday night I stayed the night at my moms so I could spend some time with my family while he stayed home to have some alone time. We do this every once in a while so we don’t get sick of each other and because I’m getting sick of his family that we live with (though we’re moving into our own apartment in 10 more . Well apparently while I was at my moms his mother told him that he has to continue giving her $500 a month after we move out because it’s his “responsivity” to support her and just not to tell me about it… Obviously he told me when he picked me up Sunday, and let me tell you, I’m fucking pissed off. Just the day before hand she was telling me she’s glad we’re getting our own place, that we’ll get along better when no one is coming in between us (which is her 90% of the time BTW) and then she goes behind my back and does that?

Now if she asked or at least didn’t tell him to hide it from me I wouldn’t be so mad, but the thing is, she told him it’s his responsibility and then told him to hide it from me. So basically she’s telling him he has take our money and support her without telling me, essentially stealing from us. I told him absolutely not, if he even gave her a dollar without her intending to pay us back I’ll leave him. I love him more than anything but we are NOT supporting his mother, she can work and one of his older brothers lives with her for free (Even though he has a better job then us)!

He told her I said no, that we can’t afford it; I mean we aren’t rich! If we were we’d be buying a place, not renting an $800 two bedroom apartment! She told him that I’m being nasty like his other brothers wife and that he needs to put his foot down like his brother and do his job to support her. Aparently his other brother sends her around $600 a month even though his wife told him not to, because they can’t afford it. That pissed me off because they have a 3 year old, and how dare his mother expect that out of her children. What kind of women expects her children to struggle just to get free money from them? It’s not like she can’t work, she actually starts a new job tomorrow (one I helped her get), she just wants to have extra money.

She hasn’t even talked to me or looked at me since he told her I said absolutely not. Like I can’t believe her, how dare she try to tell him to steal from me (Even though it’s his money it would’ve effected me because he wouldn’t of been able to pay his half of the bills and I would’ve had to pay what he couldn’t so yeah it would’ve been stealing from me), lie to me, and to basically tell me that I have no say! I’m the one that takes care of our finances, I make sure the bills are paid, I check our bank accounts and make sure we aren’t more then $100 in debt every month. Did she really think I wouldn’t notice $500 missing every month? Plus I’m his fucking wife! How dare she try to make him make a huge decision like that behind my back! I lived with her for a year now, and I’ve always asked her permission before doing anything in her home, even if it wouldn’t affect her! Yet she doesn’t show me the same decency? Wow.

I just can’t fathom what the fuck this women was thinking demanding money from us. I do agree he does have to help his mother out, just not financially. I help my mom by babysitting my sister once in a while, which is really the only thing I can do for her. I would have no problem with him going and fixing things for her, helping her with chores or mowing her lawn, but asking for money every month is way out of line. We need that money, especially since we plan on having kids soon.

Okay, I think my rant is over.